Baby Showers for Men

February 22nd, 2008 | by Kacie |

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It sounds like an oxymoron “Baby Shower for Men”, rates up there with, “Jumbo shrimp” and “plastic silverware”.  As much as I am an excited, expecting parent, the guys from the office did not want my wife to have all the fun. 

 

So in a surprise turn of events, and knowing our first born was due any day . . . they (the guys) thought a shower for me would be just as fun as the ladies, who were off sipping tea and noshing on petite fores. 

 

The thought of the Mrs. in a pastel dress came to mind with her friends dotting at all the guests and toys.  My friends wanted to keep with tradition so before we left the building they had me down a floral moo-moo, one guys mother owned and had a queen size pillow to stuff under my belt to complete the ensemble. 

 

The most embarrassing part of the event was walking down the street and entering the local pub to many adoring patrons.  The laughter was followed by “oohs” and “awes” as my friends directed me to table with a cheesy centerpiece made of papier-mâché with “it’s a boy” crossed out and replaced with a big “?”question mark (wife elected not to have the sex revealed, which had been the office pool for the last few months.).

 

I had a hunch that it was going around, then appropriately the announcement was made as my chair was pulled out from me at the head of the table (the guy really hammed it up).  The pool turned out quite well, with a grid that matched that of a fantasy football league. 

 

Spaces for top picks included: sex, hair color, eye color, nose and outward appearance (more like me or the Mrs.) time of birth, overall size, hand, foot size, hair or no hair, labor time, nurses name, c-section or natural, and breast fed or formula, etc.  The guys say the purse is huge and I would have a chance to participate as long as I played a “baby shower games”, I agree. 

 

The moment felt like a cross between a frat party and a metro-sexual coming out party.  These guys really planned this out, as if to one up the girls at the tea room.  First round of beers came out and mine was served in a baby bottle complete with “life like nipple” that with sprayed beer in all directions it smacked on the table too hard (lot of fun).

 

First game: You have to drink when ever anyone said “baby”.  Easy game, hard to remember after the second round. 

 

Next very interactive game of chance.  How much toilet paper does it take to wrap around my pillow stuffed gut twice?  Every body had rolls (Can you imagine how many strange looks we got?) with 15 guys wrapping TP around each other trying to guess how much it would take to go around me?  The other bar patrons started getting involved, shouting guesses and offering their beer belly as a measurement.  In the end, after much laughter and cursing, the winner received a gold foil wrapped roll of TP to bring home for future use (a thoughtful favor).  The loser had to buy the next round of drinks. 

 

Next, came the gift giving.  One single big box wrapped in pastel paper.  I was relieved when they told me they all pitched in for one special gadget.  In the box, was the challenge for the next game.  The diaper Genie!  Cool!  The winner would be the first person to reload the Genie and the fastest time, the loser would have to pay cab fare home for the winner. 

 

To prepare for this game I was asked to search the bar for dirty diapers that were planted earlier.  Each were numbered one through five, each were hidden in booths and taped under barstools. While others were stuffed behind the “John”.  Once found I had to ask the closer stranger to help figure what was in the rolled up, taped, and numbered (apparently use) diaper?  The guys called this game “the fun that was yet to come”. 

 

The first diaper I found next was next to an old couple who just held up the white ball of us stink (probably to get rid of the theirs first) I opened it to my surprise and the old couple thought it looked like real crap!  We all backed off in disgust, then she (the older woman) brought it up to her nose (and the whole bar erupted in disgust and gasp with laughter).  She swore it smelled good “like candy”.  Then her husband stuck his finger in it, rubbed them together, and then sucked his fingers clean (gross!).  The whole place went nuts!  They were all in on it, except me.  We guessed this was one a chocolate bar.  My friends all cheered then ask “what kind”?  Hershey - no nuts, the whole bar cheered!

 

The next three diapers were just as fun with different chocolate bars in each one.  The last hidden in the “John” nobody took responsibility for, but urged me to open it any way, until the old guy from the booth stood up and claimed; I wasn’t supposed to find that and it with his!  The guys went silent then we threw it off the table and kicked it under laughing uncontrollably by now. 

 

We took turns loading the Diaper Genie.  One guy did this in less than 30 seconds flat.  He’s also got three kids, but it showed that the Genie could be conquered.  The shower was a blast and I will always remember the thought that went into this crazy event.  The guys had raised several hundred bucks in the baby pool they told me.  Then my friend reached under the table and handed me the Mystery diaper that nobody claimed.  In it, with the cash from the pool which they all agreed to donate to “us” the expecting parents. 

 

The best surprise of all, we shared a toast to good health for the baby and my wife.  High fives and man hugs all around.  The guys did great!  So I offer my story to you as a tribute to the guys that feel left out of the ladies baby shower.  Have your own, it’s easy and it’s probably the last party you’ll have for a few years!